Not Good Enough to Talk to God
Have you ever felt like you couldn’t pray or help someone out spiritually because you’re not living as spiritually as you think you should?
I recently overheard a conversation where one person confessed that he doesn’t pray anymore because He isn’t as close to God as he used to be. He feels that God isn’t going to listen to him because he is not doing what he knows he should be doing.
You might think this is silly, but I can completely relate.
There are times in my life when I feel like I’m being a strong Christian. I’m reading my Bible daily, praying constantly, and fasting regularly. I’m doing everything a “good Christian” should do and avoiding any obvious sins. It’s in these times when things are going well that I feel closest to God. I feel like God and I are best buds. I talk to Him and He listens, because I’m being such a good little Christian.
But those times only seem to last a few months. Before long I end up going down the same road as before. I stop reading my Bible, stop praying, and fasting is way out. I start fighting temptations more often and I get argumentative with my wife for no reason or start spending money selfishly putting us further in debt.
During those times in my life I know I can’t help others spiritually. Why would anyone listen to a failure who can’t even follow God for more than a few months at a time without sliding back into a worldly routine? Praying will be pointless because there is no reason God should listen to me. People want help from those who have been in their situation and overcame it and God only listens to those who are following Him in everything. Right?
In those seasons where I feel spiritually strong I know God will, of course, listen to me. Need prayer? Come to me! I’ll help, because I’m close to God so He listens to me. Need spiritual advice? Come to me! Because I’m reading the Bible daily so I have special insights and can tell you exactly what to do.
Because I am awesome enough that I can draw close to God. It’s all about Me.
I’m a puny spotted sheep in a flock of other puny spotted sheep thinking that I have an inside relationship with the Shepard because for once in my life, I’m actually doing what I’m told.
How arrogant can I be?
In 2010, I was going through one of those spiritual valleys. During this time I felt overwhelmingly called to write for ETM again and to resurrect this ministry.
Immediately my response was to say “NO!” How could I possibly tell others they should follow God when I wasn’t even doing it?
That’s like someone telling me – an un-athletic, overweight, couch potato – to go play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche! I would quickly be found out to be a fraud and would do nothing but humiliate myself and the team.
In the same way, I can’t possibly represent God or help others when I’m in my spiritual couch-potato mode. If I wanted to play on the team then first I need to start an intensive training regimen.
Only after getting back into spiritual shape by reading my Bible daily and doing all of the things I know I should do, would I even be able to consider trying to help others or be used by God. Only then will I be strong enough to… to go help God? Because the creator of the Universe who has infinite power and wisdom, He, really needs me and my spiritual beefiness.
God didn’t call me to start a spiritual weight training routine, He called me to write. Not later, but right then.
When we are spiritually strong we tend to get prideful. Pretending it is our own ability that makes us close to God. We feel like we can lead others to follow God closer because “look at me, I did it!” We tell others how we are following God and encourage them to do the same things we do.
But this attitude is an offense to God. We have to realize that all of us are horrible sinners before God. None of us are good (Romans 3:10), all of our best works are nothing but filthy rags.
But we are all like an unclean thing, And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away. (Isaiah 64:6 NKJV)
Casting Crowns gave some good imagery for this verse in their new song “All You’ve Ever Wanted” they sing:
But all my deeds and my good name
Are just dirty rags that tear and strain
To cover all my guilty stains
That You already washed away
All of our good deeds are dirty before God. During those times when I’m feeling strong I’m really just dressing myself up in filthy, oily, blood soaked rags and acting like I’m wearing a tux. And then I approach God to show Him how amazing I look in my rags.
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. (Ephesians 1:4-5 NLT)
The only reason I can ever be spiritually strong is because God gives me the ability to be. It isn’t about me taking spiritual steroids and weight lifting to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. It’s about me, being a quadriplegic and being strong only because God is my Iron Man suit. It’s all about Him. I am nothing.
God wanted me to write for ETM, not because I was good and in a position to lead others, but because He wanted to use me. I was to write because He had things to teach me. I was to write because He wanted to speak to others through me.
It’s all about God. Our works don’t make us a better Christian, only God does that.
When you are in a spiritual slump, don’t stop yourself from praying. That’s when you need to pray the most and when you are the most honest with God. A prideful and arrogant heart that thinks it deserves God’s respect is in fact disgusting to God, while a humble heart that recognizes it’s need for God brings Him honor.
A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor. (Proverbs 29:23 NKJV)
It’s never about us and our ability to follow. It’s all about God.
Have you ever used the excuse that you are not spiritually strong enough to avoid doing what God is leading you to do?
I have never felt like I couldn’t talk to God, but I do feel like I am not good enough to talk to other Christians. I look for friendship with others but somehow I always mess it up. Maybe it’s me, but all I get is judgement. It hurts.
Jane, I’m sorry for the hurt that other Christians have caused. I can say that I fully agree with you. I have tried and tried to have fellowship with other believers, with other Christians, but it seems like for some reason you do one little thing and you are kicked out of the circle.
I was one of the youth leaders with the Junior High group, and never was all that well liked by most of the group. I only felt like I was accepted by two people, one was the youth pastor who moved away, and the other was a great couple who left the country on missions. The rest of the team couldn’t care less about me.
I got involved in several small groups, but we (my wife and I) did or said something that made us outcasts of that group.
Making Christian friends has never seemed to work. For some reason the church seems to be extremely judgmental instead of sharing the love of Christ like we are supposed to. I have had to reach out to secular groups to even get friends here.
My heart breaks for you, Jane, because I fully understand that feeling.
Where are you? Have you stopped writing what God has put on your heart? I surely hope not! As I read ‘Not good enough to talk to God’, so much of this message was as if it were meant just for me! I wanted to thank you.
Sadly, it has been difficult to keep writing these articles. But I may be starting that up again soon, I don’t know. I write what God puts on my heart to share. Lately most of what I have learned from God has been for me.